How a Man is Like a Sea Lion

I received unconfirmed word that a sea lion living off the west coast of the U.S. may be put to death by wildlife officials because he has killed some 15 to 20 sea lionesses by crushing them to death in an attempt to make love to them. I hate when that happens. The Mike Tyson of sea lions.

I am unfamiliar with sea lions as lovers, but there are men out there who are terrible in bed. I’ve done the field research; I know. There was one guy, Bill, who would have had to improve 1,000% before he could be terrible. When I met him, he was whining about how the love of his life, Sherry, THE relationship, had left him to be with a woman. I felt bad for him. What a blow to ego, self-esteem, etc. After we had done the deed, I had a different attitude. If it is possible to convert to lesbianism, if it’s not actually your nature, Bill was as good a reason as there could ever be. I considered it briefly myself.

Unfortunately, it is my observation that most men know what they are supposed to do, but many just don’t care to be bothered. A shame. I wonder if good ole Bill, the graduate of the pneumatic hammer school of love making, ever found happiness with, say, a female water buffalo or something of a suitable nature.

Let me take this opportunity to say, as the song says, I like a man with a slow hand; I like a lover with an easy touch. I want somebody who will spend some time; not come and go in a heated rush. And I definitely don’t wish to be crushed to death, either. Thanks anyway.